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Posted at February 2, 2006, 12:13 am:

Jek187 once had sex with a woman, but his orgasm was so powerful it blew a hole threw her. Then he cried and tried to cuddle with her bleeding vagina.

Jek187 once took a bite out of a Boy George vinyl and swallowed it.

Jek187 wears biker shorts under his kilt.

Jek187 gave a thumbs up on "Dodgeball" because he thought William Shatner was asking him out.

Jek187 is the real author of www.jek187facts.com.

Jek187 listens to Fall Out Boy and cries.

Jek187 has a summer home on "Brokeback Mountain."

If Jek187 were gay, his name would be...oh wait.

Jek187 adopted a young black child so he could test out his racist jokes first.

Jek187 doesn't like fat chicks. He loves them.

Jek187 sits down to pee.

Jek187 uses live rattlesnakes as condoms. Tiny, baby rattlesnakes.

Jek187 has to wear a helmet to every meal, not because he is special, but because Christie Brinkley loses her temper when the airplane is not allowed to land.

Jek187 once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King, and got one, because no one wanted to hear him pout about it again.

On the set of the movie Sidekicks, Jek187 and Joe Piscopo had a real fight. The loser was declared to be humanity because they both lived.

Jek187 was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.

Jek187 once heard a women screaming while being raped in a dark alley. When Jek187 approached, he gave the women a roundhouse kick to jaw so she would shut the fuck up.

Jek187 once passed out during a marathon because his thick, award-winning whiskers were blocking air from entering his nasal cavity.

Jek187 puts dye in his beard because he is afraid of grey hairs.

Jek187 was once heard saying, "Boy, I sure wish Jessica Simpson had smaller tits."

Jek187 injects steroids into his upper lip, so that it can bare the weight of his mustache.

Jek187 was the studio's original choice to play Brandon Teena in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry." Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys.

Jek187 sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.

Jek187 won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.

Jek187 lights mini-scented candles around the tub when he takes a bath.

When Jek187 was offered bread at a restaurant he replied, "No thank you, I'm watching my carbs."

Jek187 checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.

Jek187 once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.

For Jek187, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he misses sorely.

Jek187 has agreed to star in Brokeback Mountain 2.

Jek187 cried after 15 minutes on the IGN Vestibule.

Jek187 doesn't shave because he fears the razor.

Jek187 paid for a beer in a dirty glass with money out of his coin purse.

Jek187' hair is made from the stolen eyelashes of Cambodian orphans.

When Jek187 and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.

Jek187 once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.

Jek187 found this page and said, "Shit! I guess my unfounded and unearned popularity is over." He spent the next four hours lying face down on his silk duvet cover crying into a down pillow. Anything less wouldn't have provided enough comfort.

Jek187 is a chronic self-deprecating masturbator.

Jek187 had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

Jek187 was once the subject of a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" bukkake. The tears of joy he wept reanimated both Jean Cocteau, who filmed the event, and Oscar Wilde, who made snide comments about Norris' masculinity.

Jack Bauer was overheard saying to Jek187, "Let's get this straight: the only reason you're still conscious is because I don't wanna carry you."

Jek187 caused Hurricane Katrina and encouraged George W. Bush to let Michael Brown handle it.

Jek187 was approached by Mattel to market his controversial Homo Kung Fu Doll. However, the test market in San Francisco found it too gay and went with the Ru Paul Line instead. They kept the Kung Fu grip.

Jek187 once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Who knew so many people could die of laughter?

Jek187 has been quoted as hitting on girls using the line, "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if the wood chuck got with YOU!"

Jek187 does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.

Jek187 didn't really tell Admiral Akbar about the trap.

Jek187 was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.

Jek187 once was at the theater watching Crossroads, when someone spotted him sending the following text message to someone: "Count me in on the gay clown orgy."

Jek187 has the ultimate World of Warcraft character! But he joins parties and leaves halfway through and always causes guild drama.

The morning after sex with his girlfriend, Jek187 likes to greet her with breakfast in bed.

Jek187 once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Jek187 does not have balls.

Jek187 once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man come in his mouth, that was because he was gay.

Jek187's penis has master envy.

Jek187 was once invited back to his high school to speak at a graduation. Upon his arrival, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Lisa, and Jesse said, "That's not Zack Morris, that's Jek187!" Mr. Belding broke the bad news to the class that Zack would not be attending the graduation, then delivered a roundhouse kick to Jek187 and sent him to detention.

Jek187 always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.

Jek187 can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research.

Jek187 has no friends on Myspace.

Jek187' ejaculatory fluid is composed of 100% Noxema skin cream.

During his first night at college, Jek187 drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

Jek187 once ate a dog because he couldn't find the can opener in his new cabinets.

Jek187 goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up.

Before being discovered as a martial arts talent, Jek187 was a writer for Hallmark greeting cards.

Jek187' vagina is so wide that his thighs don't touch even when his legs are crossed.

Jek187 pisses Zima.

It is no happy coincidence that Jek187 and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together.

Jek187' poo is pure roughage.

Jek187 once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.

Jek187 scored an 8 on the “Are you a good boyfriend” quiz in Cosmo.

Jek187 is seen at the pet store weekly buying gerbils. He then stuffs them up his ass.

Jek187 orders the “side salad with low-fat dressing” at a BBQ joint.

Upon hitting puberty, Jek187 had a zit on his ass the size of a cantaloupe.

Richard Simmons once told Jek187 to quit acting like such a fag.

When asked what his favorite movie was, Jek187 replied, “The Notebook. No, no, no, wait I’m just kidding! It's Garden State.”

When asked who his favorite actor was, Jek187 replied, “Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement. Wait, uh, I mean Arnold Schwarzenegger or, uh, Sylvester Stallone! Yeah, they’re manly right?!”

Jek187 likes to take bubble baths with scented candles.

Jek187' pubes cover the head of Carrot Top.

Jek187 once got a splinter and was rushed immediately to the ER, screaming “I’m too young to die!” the whole way.

Jek187’ favorite color is lavender.

Jek187 majored in liberal arts. It was his first choice.

As a child, Jek187 was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.

Jek187 throws with his right hand like I do with my left hand. I’m right-handed.

Jek187’ wife was heard howling with laughter throughout the hotel on their honeymoon.

Jek187 once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.

Jek187’ adult diaper is made to withhold 2,000 lbs of pressure per square inch. It breaks on a regular basis.

Jek187 cried during The Notebook.

Jek187 once became popular for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Jek187’ inflamed prostate is the size of a watermelon, and produces really gross shit that has no use in any way in modern society.

Jek187 once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.

Jek187’ catheter bag exploded and flooded one-third of the United States killing millions.

Jek187 once shook my hand. It felt like I was holding on to 5 wet noodles of spaghetti.

Jek187 uses 5 tampons a day. The heavy-duty kind.

Jek187 once went into a bar and was heard saying, “I’ll have Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”

Jek187 once stayed awake for 30 days atop Mt. Everest awaiting his enemies. Too bad 99% of people die before they reach the top.

Original of the message was taken from http://www.bonuswhores.com/phpBB2/

Replies:

I have one more.

I'm so used to the "Dan is gay" jokes that I was quite surpr...

FYP

That's some funny shit.

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