Topic: empty words

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Posted at November 27, 2015, 4:03 pm:

one of the few things i've wrote in a long while. i'm finding it really hard to write abything decent. hope you can offer some constructive crits and help me get back on some kind of track, writing-wise...
----------------------------------------


doorstep kisses;
"its been nice having you round".
colloquial pet names.
it had been perfect.

holding hands
on the back seat of the bus.
shivers and nostalgia;
it had been so long.

you're the king of empty words.
when you're done with speaking again,
i'll turn the letters into empty boxes,
and use them to store the memories.

months between
the first lies and the truth.
it came out without
you knowing,

or saying a word.

months again.
i'm still feeling the same;
asking you if you are
still in love.

you're the king of empty words.
when you're done with speaking again,
i'll turn the letters into empty boxes,
and use them to store the memories.

Original of the message was taken from http://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/

Replies:

aaanyone? :S

Yeah, I'll go to class and give you a crit.

first off, thanks for the crit Ok.

thanks for the crit.

I like it.

I like the simplicity of this.

nice crit mr ron.

thanks for the crits guys.

I could've sworn this was going to be a lot more abysmal.

thanks alot.

the second one, but maybe use the 'memory' style verses o throw some l...

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