Topic: If there was a cage match between...

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Posted at January 27, 2015, 11:21 pm:

The Terminator, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (all 4 of them), A predator, Jesus, Ash (from Evil Dead Series), Greg Valentino, or Wolverine. Who would win
This is Greg Valentino if you didn't know
http://www.bagofnothing.com/uploaded_images/gregval-784073.jp
http://dianesstuff.com/images/gv.jp
http://img83.imageshack.us/img83/3181/b7be1f6b4vo.jp
Yeah... He's crazy. Almost invincible, too. And he's a badass too. How many people stick a needle in their arm to remove blood from their bicep? Not many... not many
This is gonna be a close match

It should be a fun story, so make up your own

So far... here's my story..
Well here's my take on it... The Terminator and the Predator would fight because they both are big on weapons. They would argue over who has the better kinds of weapons and the stronger, more powerful weapons. They would engage in a huge all out nuclear war, while Ash would go after the TMNT because they just piss him off
Raphael would go after Ash first, because he always tries to be the hero. Ash would obviously slice open his head with the chainsaw connected to his wrist, where his hand used to be. Donnatello(sp?) would go after Ash next, in vengance, and Ash would blow him away with his boomstick. Then Leonardo would come after him next, and get a good cut across Ash's face. Ash would, inevitably, get so pissed off that he would rip through his chest with his bare hands and take out his heart... while still beating. Leonardo would then drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes and lay there. Michaelangelo would quietly run away during all of this and run towards the nearest Pizzeria
While that is happening, the Predator and Terminator are still shooting everything they have at eachother, Greg Valentino would go after Wolverine. Greg Valentino would get Wolverine in a massive bear hug and break his spine. Then drop him to the ground and leave him there and go after Ash. Since Greg has never seen any episode of the X-Men, he wouldn't know that Wolverine can heal himself in a short period of time. As Greg approaches Ash, Wolverine would swiftly get up and unleash his razor blades from his nuckles and stab Greg in each arm. Preferably the biceps as they ooze out. Wolverine would soon realize that his arms were made out of Silicon implants and then send his nuckle blades right through Greg's neck. Massive amounts of blood would spew from his neck and he would fall to his knees. Greg would then make a choking sound while Wolverine would stab him in the back, pick him up, and send him flying out of the cage to a set of metal spikes on the side of the cage
While all this fighting is going on, Jesus is just sitting back waiting for everyone to take out eachother, because he's clever like that
The Terminator and Predator both shoot their biggest missles at eachother which sends off in a huge explosions filled with smoke. Only one person stands. And it's... The Terminator!!!
Ash finally realizes that Jesus has been hiding out and starts to go after Jesus. Jesus proclaims to Ash, that if he quits now, Jesus will give him everlasting life in heaven. Ash slowly approaches Jesus, pondering about the offer. Little does Ash now that Jesus has a samurai sword strapped against his back out of view. Ash then agrees to the offer and goes to shake Jesus's hand. Jesus reaches out his hand to shake Ash's and slowly reaches for the sword with the other. Ash quickly grabs a machete strapped to his back and slices Jesus's head off with a quick swipe. He knew never to trust a Jew
Jesus's head rolls to the feet of Wolverine as his body drops to the ground. Now what many people don't know is, that Wolverine was a devout Catholic. Wolverine is in rage and run towards Ash with his nuckle blades extended fully..
Wolverine charges at Ash! He swings right for Ash's head. Ash quickly ducks and kicks Wolverine in the balls. Wolverine falls to his knees as Ash starts his chainsaw up again. Ash swipes at Wolverine's neck but quickly dodges the attack. Wolverine stabs Ash right into the knee as Ash screams. Ash quickly grabs his shotty and blows Wolverine 20 ft. away. Wolverine lays there as the wounds quickly heal in a matter of seconds. Wolverine quickly gets up in a fury matter
Ash must think of something fast! He's wounded and Wolverine is coming straight at him! Ash quickly grabs something in a bag strapped against his back. It's... it's a book!!!! Bound in human Flesh! And written in human blood! Yes!!! It's the Necronomicon... THE BOOK OF THE DEAD!!! Ash quickly opens up the book and says an encantation
Wolverine gets closer... and closer. Ash screams the final words of the encantation and out of a black hole in the middle of thin air, a portal you might say, swarms tons of deadites!!!! Wolverine looks bewildered! He has never seen the Evil Dead Series! He doesn't know what they are!!!
About 20 or so Deadites surround Wolverine and he knows this isn't good. A woman deadite runs at him and Wolverine stabs the **** out of her dead body. Blood flys everywhere as different body parts and organs fly all the way to the ground. The rest of the deadites quickly run after Wolverine! Wolverine stabs another but one gets a hold of his back and bites him! Wolverine yells and reaches for his back! Another bites his arm!!! Then another bites his leg!!!! Pretty soon Wolverine is on his knees and is engulfed by all the Deadites!!! Now you can't even see Wolverine anymore!! Just a bunch of hungry *** deadites screaming and yelling and cussing!!! Then it becomes silent..
What is this silence
As Wolverine and Ash were fighting, The Terminator was repairing itself, because that last blast took major damage on him. Now with the Terminator fully healed he goes after Ash. Ash stands only in a stance readily awaiting his foe
But as Ash stands he does not notice that the deadites have all disappeared except for one. He stands up... and is pissed off. It's... Wolverine!!! Yes, Wolverine turned into a Deadite after the other had eaten the **** out of him
His blades slowly slide out of his nuckles as he creeps up on Ash. Ash grips his machete and hears a faint footstep behind him... He quickly turns around and blocks the nuckle blades aiming right for his heart. Deadite Wolverine goes crazy and gives Ash everything he's got. He throws his arms violently Ash now can only just block each blow, stronger than the last one
As Ash is holding on for dear life to stay alive, The Terminator decides that he can quickly get rid of both of them with a RPG(Rocket Propelled Grenade). He loads the barrel with the grenade and locks on to his targets. It's a lock on missle which takes 5 seconds to fire. The automated voice message on the gun says
Missle locked on..
Commence fire... in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.
Then... A HUGE EXPLOSIO
Ash and Deadite Wolverine both look in the Terminator's direction... There's a huge explosion... As the smoke clears... Something stands..
It's the PREDATOR!!
The Terminator had thought that he had taken out the Predator when really the Predator had put on its camouflage suiting. The Predator then fired a huge nuclear missle at the Terminator right before his RPG had fired from his gun... which inevitably lead to the Terminator's destruction..
As the smoke and debris cleared... The Predator has the barrel of a massive gun pointing at Ash and Deadite Wolverine...

Original of the message was taken from http://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/

Replies:

COMMANDO WOULD WIN fo real

It's close between Jesus and TMNT.

Turtles

Jesus would win without question.

I don't believe you

tmnt

Wolverine, duh.

That's okay, I'm not a terribly believable person.

Predator.

Jesus would first have a last supper with turtle soup and then turn th...

Please provide a valid reason for your choosing as well as an example ...

I'm glad to see the savior is ahead in the polls.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh My imagination isn't that good! EDIT: i...

Well .

did you see that tv special on greg valentino? that was ****ing insan...

Feck, I thought you meant Ash Ketchum.

First Greg Valentino would just get his head cut off by Wolverine beca...

But see, even after Jesus was dead on the cross.

That's right, because every time a boxer gets knocked out they wait 3 ...

He's just so fucking badass

Ohhh, but theres a catch.

That has nothing to do with the outcome of the cage match.

His balls are the size of M&M's.

So you will be even more surprised when it all goes down.

my balls are the size of skittles thousands of them

Who said so.

The female m&m?

That makes no sense

empty post

yeah it does .

http://ifbbtv.

what model is the Terminator?

Jesus > all

A very crucial detail

Jesus is overrated.

and the terminator is just gay

oh man.

it really is

I was in no way kidding

Well here's my take on it.

oshi don't break the page

In the meantime, Jesus is just standing around watching.

fixed

TMNT if they had their pizza beforehand.

huh? to Rusty

the mighty mutant ninja turtles

While all this fighting is going on, Jesus is just sitting back waitin...

How'd you know?!?!! Are you watching me? <_< >_>

How could jesus meneuver so well on a cross?

I got my eye on you, buddy.

Oh man.

I don't know whether to be scared or turned on.

he always is it's his starsky to his hutch

Wolverine charges at Ash! He swings right for Ash's head.

allalone can only hope to improve

i suspect a resurrection!

that or a band of angels

As Wolverine and Ash were fighting, The Terminator was repairing itsel...

Woah woah woah.

Haha.

All right.

aw, wtf sure, go to bed and leave us all hangin.

Well.

Clint Eastwood would win.

Wolverine can't die you dick beaters.

He can heal minor wounds and whatnot, but he cant regrow say, a severe...

Yeah, but Jesus died a long time ago.

dear fundamentalist christians : go back to fundamentalist land.

Jesus can move rocks, wow.

Jesus has no powers thats what people dont understand.

Wolverine can heal, but not when hes completely ripped inhalf, which e...

Q F T

I wish i knew what you were trying to tell me.

quoted for truth.

Ohhh okay I thought it was like quit fucking talking so i was about to...

Turtles, easily.

This isn't funny and it's exactly the kind of thing that got The Pit d...

This thread is fine.

Shiiiiit .

The story (this took me awhile, so sorry if I'm bumping a dead thread)...

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles obviously

You seem really uptight.

Jesus no doubt.

We should probably start using QTF to say that instead.

Terminator all the fucking way.

This is getting gaf.

Predator could fuckin' thrash anything.

Nah, in the last film he befriended a chick to fight along side him.

well jesus would go home cuz he would say hey im just a normal guy why...

dude he's the son of god man

I don't like the story with all the pokemons and ****.

yeah but he is just a really chilled out guy right like he doesnt have...

true

This is crap, where's Rambo? Rambo would cane all.

He could turn all the water into wine so they all drink and drive and ...

I'm going to have to agree with beeyotch, too.

How the FUCK does the terminator only get 5 votes?

Predator ftw.

jesus

but dude, he's the son of God.

teenage mutant turtles are total squirrels

interesting .

More like Blue footed boobies.

Well, there's only one Ash that could possibly be on a first name basi...

Are you institutionalized? Evil dead is fucking awesome.

more like your mom's boobies.

</3

my sentiments exactly.

we'll see about that.

My love will always be with you.

Uh oh.

Exactly.

:'-(

I'm backing Jesus on this.

I'd go with Jesus.

Jesus was a pussy.

boobies.

wtf, then finish your story fool

I don't believe in cages.

I believe in lighters

dude, he was doing that for a cause.

NEVER!!!

Please, the suspense is killing us all.

He didn't have anything to lose before either.

All right.

you suck

Now im fullfilled.

Wait, the pokemon ash, or the other ash? :P

Evil Dead Ash.

pokemon > zombies

jesus would win, because he would die right off the bat.

the Terminator


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