Topic: Hey I dunno if I can do this

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Posted at March 27, 2017, 3:33 pm:

But I just wrote an essay and need some feedback, only if you want to give me some. I just freehandedly typed this.
And keep in mind, im Germa
Thank

During my middle school years, I have though of many things that I wish to do and go to college for. As I was young and had so many opportunities, I was not sure of what to do because I haven’t tried out a lot of things.
During the 7th grade, I wanted to be a police officer. I was fascinated with the police force, and thought it would be a good thing to do. I would be helping out the community and keeping it safe, which would be good. I told my mother about this idea and she asked me if I would really want to risk my life to keep others safe.
I gave a lot of thought about being a police officer, and decided I didn’t want to be one anymore. I then had thoughts of becoming an engineer, as I took tech Ed in school. I enjoyed building things. We built various things, such as clocks, mini airplanes, and little cars that we would race in a competition
I carried this thought about engineering until I reached my first high school year. There was a new program out called Graphic Arts. I was told that it is really neat and saw products that people produced in that particular class, so I decided to sign up for it. There was only a limited amount of students allowed in this class, so I got lucky and got accepted. The first couple of weeks were boring, since they were pure lecturing on certain equipment and what to do and what not to do. After the pace started picking up, I worked really hard and studied in the class a lot. I became so in love with this class, that it became my passion. I quickly went through the lessons, but very efficiently too. I was one of the top students in this class, and the teacher really enjoyed teaching me. In my first year, I got up to the point where I started to make products a third year student would make, which is screen printing on shirts, and 4 color processing. After the first year, I was invited to join the class the next year. Me loving the class accepted it humbly. During my 2nd and a half-year at the school, my family decided to move to Pennsylvania. Great, I thought, because I wasn’t too worried about finding another class like this, since PA has the top printing industries in the world. I then came to Central Bucks West. I kept on asking the counselors if they had a program like this, and they said yes, but I would have to wait to get in, since there is a high request for the tech. I filled out the paperwork to join, and moved, yet again. This time I moved to a different place in Pennsylvania and went to a different school. On that very same day the counselor was picking classes for me, I asked her for graphic arts. She said I couldn’t go in because the tech school they had across the street was full. In my senior year, I asked her again, and it was full, which really disappointed me, because I really love working in the printing environment.
I have thought about many more things in my life I would wish to do, but nothing struck me harder than that of the Graphic Arts industry. I love the environment inside a printing company, I love working on the printing presses, and I love screen-printing. Its my greatest passion and it is my greatest wish to go to a college that has this type of program in it, so I may major in it, and make a living off of working in the printing industry, something I love to do.

Original of the message was taken from http://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/

Replies:

And the paragraph indents didnt show, I dont know why they dont

German is in, you live in Germany?

What's this essay for? You made one tense mistake During my middle sch...

Oh wow, no, its an english essay for a college.

I was one of the top students in this class, and the teacher really en...

I think my leading paragraph sounds pretty good, dont you think? I ...

I see, class got kind of too repetitive.

Yeah I think Your opening paragraphs good as it is.

Thanks peeps


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